The following is a short excerpt from The Sales Survival Handbook, the funnest sales book ever written. You can order the book by clicking any of the retailer links below.
Since you’ve decided to become a sales “professional” with a “job” who is going to make a lot of money by “working hard,” it’s time for you to learn some basics about sales. Salespeople communicate with each other through a unique language that you’ll come across at any sales floor anywhere in the world.
If you want to fit in with your fellow salespeople, you’ll need to learn the lingo. Here are some definitions and phrases that all salespeople should be able to recognize.
1. Gatekeeper – [geyt-kee-per] noun
- A person in charge of a gate, usually meant to block you from the decision maker and therefore your commission check.
- Someone who rudely answers the phone and pretends their boss isn’t available before hanging up on you and going back on Instagram
The gatekeeper told me that if I ever called there again, she would call the FBI on me.
2. Put up wood – [poo t] [uhp] [woo d] verb
- When you’re submitting a deal that is highly unlikely to close in an effort to look like you’re actually doing something productive.
The new guy keeps putting up wood, so it’s unlikely he’s going to close enough deals to pay off his bookie this month.
3. Always be closing – [awl-weyz, -weez] [bee;bi] [kloh-zing] phrase
- A line from the sales movie Glengarry Glen Ross encouraging salespeople to continuously focus on converting a prospect into a completed deal.
- Purely theoretical since you cannot “always be closing” every minute of every day. What if you’re at a funeral?
If you want to survive in sales for longer than a week, you must always be closing!
4. Whale – [hweyl, weyl] adjective
- A very affluent or prominent customer whose purchase or account will produce a large amount of profit, and whose life seems infinitely better than yours.
The guy was a total whale, he came in and bought an oceanside condo in all cash!
5. Lay-down – [ley] [doun] noun
- A customer who is eager to purchase something and buys immediately, without negotiating over the price or dragging out the sales process.
- As rare as a unicorn.
I didn’t think I could close enough deals to hit my goal this month, but a lay-down came in on Friday morning and I closed the deal.
6. Green pea – [green] [pee] noun
- An brand new sales employee with little to no experience in the profession who will be hazed mercilessly by their co-workers until they are on the verge of quitting or lashing out.
We let the green pea take a customer by herself and she looked like a deer in headlights when she got her first objection.
7. Skate – [skeyt] verb
- When one salesperson steals another salesperson’s customer behind their back.
- When a salesperson has been working with a customer for some period of time, and a co-worker disregards that fact in order to enrich themselves without any shred of remorse.
I was working with Mr.Malouf for three weeks and then Ryan decided to skate me and closed the deal on my day off.
8. One-legger – [wuhn] [leg-er] adjective
- A situation where only one of two (or multiple) decision makers are present in discussions about the deal.
- When a spouse cannot make a decision without their significant other because their life is one continuous disappointment.
I thought I was going to easily close the deal, but unfortunately I found out that it was a one-legger.
9. Get-me-done – [get] [mee] [duhn] noun
- A customer who is willing to do anything to complete their transaction, oftentimes going above and beyond what is necessary.
- Usually a situationally challenged customer who is unable to find someone who can provide them with a product and is therefore willing to pay more, much more, too much even, for that same product.
The deal was almost impossible, but the customer was a get-me-done and managed to get his mistress to co-sign on the loan just to get it approved.
Order a copy of The Sales Survival Handbook by clicking any of the retailer links below.
